JaxBeachHippie

My Dad moved our family due to a work transfer; from a small little Georgia town to Florida when I was a naive eleven-year-old girl. My brother was four years older and my baby sister was four years younger. My parents have a “movie marriage”; I call it that because it’s like the ones you see in a movie and believe they don’t actually exist. Theirs is very special and when you grow up in that type of environment of mutual respect, love, and honor it sets your expectations pretty high.

When we moved to Florida; as I said before I was quite naive and very innocent. I had not had an interest in boys, nor had a boyfriend. I was eleven; Boys had cooties! lol I had many boys who were friends whom I played with back home and we didn’t play doctor; we were riding bikes, dirt bikes, and getting into shenanigans.

I have always had boys as friends as far back as I can remember. As I think back now I can count on one hand how many girl friends I have had in my whole life. This has had a huge impacted on the way I think and behave and made me more of a phenomenon a.k.a “Unicorn” I didn’t know how this was molding me and mapping out my thought process and how defining it would impact my life as a “Big Girl”.

In all parts of life and how we react to things, I believe is learned behavior. So, if you think about it; if you were raised around thieves, liars, and cheaters then naturally you will have trust issues, if you were raised around alcohol, drugs, and abuse then you can spot that as well. If you begin a relationship with betrayal then it can never have innocence. But, If you were raised in a life with complete trust, innocence, and having everything you need then you have this innate “false sense of security” and believe this is how everyone lives. We are ALL products of our environment and whether we want to admit it or not we all emulate our role models. The people who imprinted on us, who also, gave us these predispositions to how we react to all life events. It is impossible to believe you are not your Mothers’ daughter, Father’s Son, or “just like our brother or sister”, especially your best friend. We are all malleable and influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. Unfortunately, as children we do not know this and do not get to choose who we allow in our lives and the damage is being done despite how we would choose it to be.

I was very fortunate; looking back now, and seeing the clean slate my parents gave me. They gave me as close to a blank canvas as possible to become who I choose to be in life; to come to my own conclusions and not to have been born of mistrust, suspicion, prejudice, and preconceived notions. As I get older I am more in awe of my parents and the wonderful job they did as parents, and I am so thankful I have the openness and innocent trust to form my own opinions and come to my own conclusion based on facts and not memories of how “my Mother handled it” or how my Aunt/sister/cousin/ or friend reacted.

Trust should be organic, it should be implied, and we all should be fortunate enough to begin every introduction without someone’s opinion tainting your first impression.

This is harder than not when you are being introduced to someone new. Most times when you are being introduced to a new person they have already given you their opinion whether good or bad and you’re influenced from the very start. Their “idea” has already blemished your blank canvas. This robs us of the opportunity to have our own first impression. This is especially true if they have any negative experiences or information about the person so as you meet them you already have formed a bit of an opinion based on the information that was pre-introduced.

I believe that every person should have the opportunity to have a fresh start. If every person had to carry every bit of negative connotation around with them like the proverbial “heart on your sleeve” or the “Sign of all flaws” advertising every bad thing they ever done then there is no room for trust.

Trust is literally the easiest feeling to give. I think you should blindly give this at the beginning. You shouldn’t have to earn trust you should have the “benefit of the doubt” so to speak; meaning; It doesn’t matter if your friend knows this person lied to some girl before or stole something in high school. etc. Everyone deserves blind trust; you should have the opportunity to see for yourself what someone has to offer. You will be so surprised the feeling of mutual trust and respect. I am not going to begin a new relationship and have to work to earn trust. It’s already too hard. You will work for something you already have; you take good care of it and plan to keep it because you are proud of it. It is so valuable, just like your home; you clean it, water the grass and immediatly fix problems and maintain it to make it last and keep it looking good because you earned it. You are proud of it and it’s valuable to you.

If you go into a relationship as you would a new job; you click, you talk find common ground, and accept what they have to offer, and choose to move forward. Just like they chose you after the interview based on your presentation, and what you can bring to the table so to speak. You go into the working relationship with mutual trust; you work, and they pay it’s expected. You don’t wonder week after week if you’re going to get paid. You just trust that direct depsoit will keep coming. You both just believe each are going to honor their obligations. If you didn’t trust a new employer you would not take the job.

If you give that to everyone you allow into your life; if you give them the trust, respect, honor and value they deserve from the beginning; they will work hard to live up to the level of respect and worthiness you gave them. You will see more times than not they will work hard to live up to the value and recepicate it. When their is trust, honor and respect in a relationship you will see that everything you wanted is standing right in front of you. They will rise to the occassion and they will live up to your expectations because they are going to feel empowered and so much self worth that they will not want to loose it. If at the beginning the relationship is weighed down with lies, mistrust and false accusations; the constant degradation will destroy it and it will end anyways.

More often than not trust is broken because they are tired of fighting for something they will never get; but did deserve.

I am absolutely shocked by the amount of couples I come in contact with that began with a breach of trust. They met while still with their previous partner. Whether it be; it was already over, you fell out of love, etc, if the previous relationship is not done and over, loose ends, living situation, or divorce is not done then the relationship isn’t either. I am sorry, but there is no way you can build a successful long lasting, mutually trusting relationship built in deception. It will be you standing in previous partners shoes and mistrusting them in the same ways.

If you fall for someone and you begin with issues that need “work” and “trust” built; it’s not going to work. This is where you need to check your self-respect. If you keep your standards high and your integrity in check; your self-respect and moral compass will protect you from these situations, I do not care if you tell me you are done. If you are still married or living together regardless of why; you are NOT available. Take some time to get you life in order, take time to heal, and you will be prepared to make choices that make you feel honest, and respect yourself. I know it’s fun to add spicy and thrill to a relationship, but if you find thrill from potentially hurting someone you have committed to, I do not want that in my life, cheating isn’t thrilling or spicy; it is lying, betrayal and harmful. You didn’t win, the didn’t choose you; the partner that was cheated on won, and the person the cheater ends up with they are the catayst detinating the damaging pain.

Personally, I don’t like used toys.