On June 3rd, 2017 I lost my fiance; it’s been 14 months and, I have to say most days suck. A lot of people who have not gone through a loss just don’t get it. They don’t understand why I am still sad or don’t want to come out or even get out of bed. I am going to tell you why. We met back in 2006 on MySpace we went on a date and, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. It was a blind date and I was super nervous so, we had one drink and I told him I had to go home for work the next day. Over the next few days, we talked and he asked me to a Halloween party and, we totally clicked he came home with me and never left. We lived together totally in love for 12 years. There is a whole lot of this story I am leaving out for another time. Anyways, the jest of this rant is the fact that if you lose a family member or a friend yes it hurts, yes it’s painful but, you get through it and every day it hurts a little less. When you lose your soul mate and the person you have decided to spend the rest of your life with it is devastating. I feel like half of me is gone. I suffer from anxiety, I have trouble focusing, and depression regularly. It has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure in my life. I miss him every single day and I will love him until I die. I don’t know if I will ever find anyone even close to what we had together. I am hoping one day I can move forward. Please spare me it’s time to move on crap. You can not move on you can only try to move forward and hope someone will come along to fill your broken heart. So, let me mourn my beautiful blue-eyed love as long as it takes. 
JaxBeachHippie 